Ways to Stop Taking Things

Don’t you hate it when people seem to be able to walk away from any situation, and continue on with life, even if they had someone criticize them, or maybe loose it?

Well, I guess I didn’t hate them, I was jealous of them. I would sit and play over and over what I must have done wrong. I usually couldn’t come up with an answer because I didn’t!

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was dealing with a lot of insecurity and built-up emotions. I made plenty of things about me, and reacted from a space of woundedness, rather than a space of empowerment.

The good news is I’ve done a lot of inner healing work since then.

When we interact with people, whether it’s loved ones, coworkers, strangers, or acquaintances, many things they say or do will be a direct result of their perspectives and life experiences. Their words, attitudes, or behaviors may have little to nothing to do with us.
Do You Respond or React?
For example, let’s say my spouse comes home and says to me,
“I feel like everything’s out of control. The house, the yard” – there’s so much to do.

I could respond or react in various ways.

If I respond from a space of harmony and security, I may say something like,

“Whoa. Sounds like you feel overwhelmed, honey. Do you want to talk about it?”

Or, if I’m coming from a space of insecurity or emotional overload, I could flip out and say something like, “Oh my gosh! Are you kidding me? I just spent three hours cleaning the house and we worked in the yard last weekend! I can’t even believe you’re saying this to me right now!”
In this case, I would be taking it personally.

Be Gentle With Yourself
If you’ve taken things personally, you’re not alone. Welcome to the club. Be gentle with yourself! The good news is you can learn how to take things less personally.

The first thing you can do is pause before making any response.

5 Mantras to Help You Not Take Things Personally (feel free to make up your own)

  1. “This is More Likely to Be About Them.”

Granted, it’s not always about them, but if you’re prone to take things personally, this is one mantra you’ll want to learn.

When you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, where you want to lash out or react harshly, pause. Think, “This is more likely to be about them.” This will give you a few moments to gauge what’s going on in your thought life.

Are they really attacking you? Or is this about their emotions, feelings, beliefs, or perspective?

  1. “I Can Listen Without Reacting” (sometimes I say freeze, don’t do anything)

This mantra helps me a lot.

It helps me remember to be present and just listen to others without jumping in with some sort of reaction. You may have a response, but let your wisdom and intuition guide you. Sometimes I found it’s better to have peace than to be right.

  1. “I am Valuable and Worthy.”

When you’re feeling valuable and worthy just because you’re you, you are less likely to take things personally. So, give yourself big doses of this mantra daily. Say it over and over till it gets into the marrow of your bones (you get the idea).

  1. “I am Not Responsible for Other’s Feelings.”

This is the kind of mantra we all need to embody. You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings or levels of happiness.

We may have been taught that somewhere along our life journey, but we can drop that belief, starting today. In the same way, we are responsible for our own feelings and level of happiness. That means we shouldn’t pin it on our partners, parents, leaders, etc. We can be present and hold space for others emotionally, but we don’t have to feel responsible for them.

  1. “I Don’t Have to Be Perfect.”

This is definitely a hot spot for me. A lot of us feel like we have to be perfect, which can certainly cause us to take things personally. The good news is that you don’t have to be perfect. And you’re not ever going to be! (There, I’ve let you off the hook.)
A long time ago, I learned a wonderful phrase from the 12 Step support group community:
“It’s progress we’re after; not perfection.”

  • It’s all right not to be perfect.
  • It’s all right to mess up sometimes.
  • It’s OK not to have all the answers.
  • It’s even all right to take things personally every so often!

My final thoughts are it was such a relief when I realized that I didn’t have to save the world, rise the earths vibration alone, save the fish, stop world hunger, stop wars, but stopping the war inside myself was all I needed to do.

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